Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes Turn and Face The Strange Changes

In case you didn't notice, most of my life has a soundtrack.  I have a jukebox in my brain.  There are some changes happening.  For the past two years I've worked within my home.  I've been preparing for a baby.  One that's coming any moment now- I just know it.  Yeah, well.... Life keeps rolling on.  For a couple months now we've been having a hard time with our mortgage company.  We tried to refinance our home loan with a local bank.  Even though they led us to believe that we were approved, it didn't work out.  While they were dragging their feet, my hubby's credit began to lower since we couldn't afford to pay our raised payments.  Finally, it became very clear that we were going to have to try and work something out with our original loan.  We've been talking to them about taking the escrow out of our payments (we've already got our taxes & insurance coming directly to us now), but they say that there's nothing they can do for us until we get our payments caught up.  So, that's what we are doing.  We are sending them another check tomorrow and that should have us caught up.  Now, if we don't get something worked out with them...... well, we can't afford to pay what they want.  So, we either have to sell the house (which I might as well tell you, is impossible) or sign it over to the bank.  That would hurt my hubby's credit - but, as I said it is already imperfect now.  What does this mean for us?  Well, we will have to move.  Where?  I don't know.  I do know that they won't give us a baby if we are homeless.  My parents keep telling us that we won't be homeless as long as they are alive.  That is comforting.  Sort of.  Even if we have a home to live in, they still won't give us a baby if we are living with my parents.  We have to be able to show that we are responsible and capable of providing for a child.  Living with your mommy- isn't doing that.  Also, we have to redo our homestudy in August since its been two years.  They will do a credit check.  So, if they haven't found out that we are homeless, they will find out that our credit isn't as good as it used to be.  Another reason not to give us a baby. 
Ok.  So with all of that explained, I can safely say that there are some serious changes soon to come.  Even if we do work something out with them with this house and get everything resolved, we've already decided that we really need to get out of this sink hole.  This is not a homeowners pie in the sky right now.  Basically, one way or another I see us living somewhere else by Christmas.  Renting isn't looking to bad folks.  Our dream is to buy some land in the country, around 5 acres or so and putting a double wide on it.  Having a pasture with some horses & cows.  A barn with some chickens & ducks.  A big garden with vegetables and fruit.  Yeah, we want to be farmers.  I grew up in the country.  I know how great it would be to raise a child there.  Where it's quiet.  I want a porch where I can go out in the morning and read my Bible with a cup of tea and be at peace. 
Today I got a job.  Like a real one.  Outside of my home.  At a popular large retail store.  More or less, I will be deep frying food all day.  Thank God I get to wear gloves.  Isn't that precious.  *Disgusted Sigh*  I know I'm going to be standing there with grease splattering my clothes and wondering how I got to that point.  While this battle with our mortgage company goes on, I know we are going to need extra money to pay our regular bills.  I was surprised at how easy it was to get a job.  I guess it is what God wants me to do right now.  I do what I need to do when I need to do it.  But, I will be dreaming of the day that I quit.  When I can be in my home (where ever it is), rocking my baby to sleep.  It's just going to take more work.  More prayer.  More waiting.  More patients.  More love.  More faith.  Oh Lord....... So much more faith.